The Intrusive Mom Thought

By Sportsish Founder/CEO Lily Shimbashi

I’ve been having an intrusive thought recently. You know, the type of thought that you know you shouldn’t have, that you don’t want to have. But occasionally, while I perform my daily juggling act in this circus that is full-time-mom, full-time-business-owner, I think about how much more successful my business would be if I was not a mother. My mind wonders if I had just started a few years earlier, before I ever had children, if Sportsish would be right where I want it. I think the about the hours I would have had to just work, the laser-sharp focus I would have had to grind because my mind was clearer then, it wasn’t sleep deprived and crowded with things like preschool permission slips and pediatrician appointment reminders.

I think about people who did chase their without toddlers at their feet. People who have built broadcasting empires, fortune-500 companies, those who make 30 under 30 lists. They probably don’t change diapers in-between business meetings.

But this weekend, as I did my usual multi-tasking, I had another thought that pushed out the intrusive one.

With my kids, building a business is hard. The hardest thing I’ve ever done.

But without them, I would have never started.

I had the idea of Sportsish for a long time. It started to form in my brain as a college sports anchor who cared way more about reporting the personal lives of the athletes than what the score of the game was.

But the idea was always swept away but the insecurity that plagued my twenties. I was highly concerned about what others thought about me. I was so focused on everything I wasn’t, I could never see what I actually was.

So I stuffed the dream down and worked comfortable jobs. I had accepted my little girl goals were fantasy. Working in sports, starting my own business, they weren’t in my cards anymore.

And then I became a mom.

In November of 2019, as a 26-year-old, I gave birth to a beautiful, blue-eyed boy. And for what felt like the first time in my entire life, I believed in myself.

I could do hard things, I knew this before but I believed it now. I had pushed a baby out. I was running on such little sleep yet still smiling. I walked my dog while pushing a stroller at the same time. I could stir a pot of pasta sauce with my hands while bouncing George in his lounger with my foot. I could pick myself up every day, even when it felt impossibly hard.

And as I rocked that boy to sleep every night, I gave him affirmations.

“You are brave”

“You are important”

“You are loved”

In a way, I think I was also giving them to myself. In a way, I think I was realizing that I too could be these things. And while I taught my son of his potential, I slowly convinced myself of mine too.

So when George was 9 months old, and my husband had a steady job, I took the leap. I began to chase the dream I had stuffed away. With my newfound confidence, I started Sportsish.

It’s been three years since I did it. In those three years came another baby, this time a girl. Her affirmations are slightly different, I make sure to emphasize her strength.

Hearing her say, in her 19-month voice, “I am strooooond” (strong), reminds me that I too, am strong. And I need that reminder more than ever before.

I’m a mom, and I’m chasing my dreams.

I take most business meetings virtually from our apartment, in a chair that frequently has mac-and-cheese stuck to it. Sometimes I have a child at my feet, sometimes I’m frantic to finish before they wake up from their nap.

Like many of us who hold the title of parent, I get little sleep. Sometimes it’s because I have a teething baby or a four-year-old who had a nightmare. Other times it’s because 11 PM is the first time all day that the house has been quiet and clean and I just need to sit in it to feel a sense of normalcy.

The word balance makes me cry. It’s not something I understand. It’s not something I have. Some days I am a horrendous business owner, but a really fun mom. Some days, I pump out incredible content, and my kids have watched way too much Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

I record podcast episodes before the sun comes up, and consequently my children. I have team meetings at 9 PM, after they’re asleep. Miss Rachel helps me complete my morning business tasks. My stress is almost as high as my screen time.

But here’s this.

Instead of living my days as I did in my twenties, wishing I was someone else, wishing I had the courage to chase my dreams, wishing but never actually doing, I am now in fact doing.

And I’m doing it because of the two little souls who call me mom.